Home > San Francisco > On Being a Gleek and Regaining Self Confidence

On Being a Gleek and Regaining Self Confidence

Glee’s Ballad was once again a trip down memory lane.

Like Rachel I had a crush on my high school teacher.  If she had a Mr. Schue, I had a Mr. Q.  For a moment, I wondered how he may be doing these days.  Is he in Facebook?  Will he remember me if I said hello? Will he add me as a friend?  Okay, I didn’t go that far.  But fondly remembering my high school teacher isn’t the reason why Glee’s last episode struck a chord yet again.

Like Rachel I had confidence issues growing up.  I always felt I didn’t fit in, that I didn’t belong.  Despite graduating at the top of my class, I always felt I didn’t have what it takes for people to like me, for people to look up to me.  This extreme insecurity kind of forced me in a way to work insanely hard to excel in school with the hope that people will like me.  Alas, that didn’t help at all.  But what did help was accepting myself for who I was and not trying desperately to be who I was not.

I have come a long way since those dark, confusing high school years but every so often I get lapses in self confidence.  More so now after starting over with a new career in design after leaving a career wearing bunny suits.  It has just been over a month and I am beginning to realize that starting over is way more difficult than I thought.  I am seriously enjoying what I am doing but there are times when I get too frustrated and realize that I have so much to learn and I don’t have a lot of time and I don’t have a lot of resources.  Running a small business is hard.  I easily lose focus and quickly doubt and second guess myself.

But I know I shouldn’t.  It’s okay to make mistakes, that’s how people learn.  And things take time to grow, nothing great happens overnight.  I know I have to keep reciting these things in my head all the time.  Dennis thinks I should relax more and enjoy the journey.  Relaxing is key, he says.  Everything will eventually fall into its proper place as long as I work hard, have a little patience and a little confidence, too.  I think he’s right.  I have to gain my self confidence back.

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  1. Suzie Gardner
    November 24, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    This is a fantastic post, and I just read your “On Being a Gleek and Coming Out” post, too. It’s so interesting to me to read about how people relate to Glee, and you describe your connections to it so well. Thanks for writing these, and thank you for your post on my blog as well. 🙂

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